I’ve always been interested in being more myself, I think that’s something that most people would say. But it’s hard, there are things that I feel ashamed of, things that I’m not comfortable sharing, certain things that feel as though they cross lines.

After a heavy night of drinking, I woke up and read this article by Heidi Isern. Takeaways - be vulnerable, make deeper connections with real people. Where do I sign?

I had the aha moment, got up, drank a gallon of water, and sat down to write. Only, it had been so long since my last post, that I no longer knew how to publish articles on my jekyll-powered blog. Some problems with the blog forced me to reverse engineer the entire thing. Annoying. But I did it, here we are.

Now I’m asking myself why I stopped writing months ago. Probably a combination of the wrong motivations and confusion about what I wanted to share. I had written some pretty personal articles, but had never published them. When I look back at the most recent articles on my blog, I feel kind of ashamed of even the ones that I did publish. That’s a weird feeling, and part of me is a little proud of it. It’s good to deal with those feelings, it’s good to say things out loud.

I think some of that comes from my parents divorce when I was only 1 (and cuter than I am now). Super Cute Baby Jordan My working theory is that being powerless at such a young age created the underlying feeling that people are trying to screw me. I think that accounts for why I feel the need to control situations, and why I sometimes act like an asshole when things don’t go my way.

Back to the point. Something I realized was that my friends and colleagues had actually been reading my writing. I would sit down with an old friend, and start sharing a story. “Yeah, I saw that on your blog.” I didn’t think much of that at the time, but it’s a powerful concept. Writing can help maintain connections, keep you fresh in other people’s minds, and keep you honest. So I’m writing again.

It would be so nice to meet you on Twitter.

Hi, I’m Jordan - Designer, computer scientist, long-ago painter. I love details, and thinking.